Ryan and I have never discussed our ?parenting style?. Rarely do we discuss how to handle a situation that arises, because we?ve always very much been on the same track. That is, we?re on the slow track.
I?ve read a little bit about the Slow Parenting movement & parts of it are straight up crazypants (hahahaha, no tv ever, hahahaha, hippies.) But this quote kind of sums up the best of the way it fits my family so well:
?To me, Slow parenting is about bringing balance into the home. Children need to strive and struggle and stretch themselves, but that does not mean childhood should be a race. Slow parents give their children plenty of time and space to explore the world on their own terms. They keep the family schedule under control so that everyone has enough downtime to rest, reflect and just hang out together. They accept that bending over backwards to give children the best of everything may not always be the best policy. Slow parenting means allowing our children to work out who they are rather than what we want them to be. ?
-Carl Honor?,?author of??The Power of Slow: Finding Balance and Fulfillment Beyond the Cult of Speed,?
Our daughters are involved in no sports, we belong to no clubs (well, besides BBTCC), we attend no weekly meetings.
It?s not that we mean to deprive our children, that?s not the intention in the least. We simply always want our life to revolve around home. I genuinely think that there is no way Bella can appreciate right now what it means to belong to a club or participate in a team sport, beyond thinking it?s cool cause other kids are doing it. And it makes my hair stand on end to picture what would inevitably happen one day?scene:
I rush in the door from work, see Bella standing in the kitchen holding a wand, dressed in a tutu, remnants of oatmeal around her mouth. I?m angry. She has ballet in 30 minutes.?
?Isabella! Get dressed right now, you know?we have to leave NOW!?
?But Mooooom?.I don?t even wanna?go. My?umm?my foot hurts. And uhh?I have an itchy throat.?
?Too bad. We committed. We paid for it. You?re going. Get dressed and be back downstairs in 15 minutes. We?ll eat in the car.?
End scene.
Doesn?t that sound dreadful? It does, right?! I know. I KNOW.?And it?s exactly what would happen, minor script changes notwithstanding. Regardless of the financial strappings, how in the world of flying pegasuses (pegusi? pegasusseesses?) would we ever co-ordinate the constant comings & goings of three kids? When would we ever sit? Would we ever speak? Would we only speak of what the children were up to? Would our dinner table start to look like the backseat of a minivan, more barked commands, fewer laughs and even fewer chairs pulled up?
We willingly let our daughters fail. We painfully let them struggle. We force them to ask for help in their own words, on their own terms. We high five and verbally reward them for a job well done- big or small. (We buy no toys for demonstrating an expected behaviour.)??We fix what we can, and admit fully when we cannot. Our daughters cry and they feel very sorry for themselves, they talk about wanting to do certain things and we have to tell them no. Sometimes? Sometimes we tell them yes. ?Can we play the Game of Life, Mom?? Yes. But, lemme tell you kids, if you?re assholes about the rules? I?m out. If we?re just driving our fake cars around the board, grabbing up the pink house and all the babies in all the world, awesome! But if all of us are playing? The rules stand, ladies. And if you?re a jerk and miserable, I would rather pack up the whole dang thing. My boss has rules & expectations of me, I am required to follow them. And I didn?t just learn to do that from my boss.
In our house, slow parenting means mostly that we actually do as it says: slow down. My anxious personality cannot possibly handle the hustle and bustle of constant activity and shuttling. I had three kids so I could fill my house with laughter and love and tradition and memories. Fill my house. True, some of those very memories can be made while they are competing in a sport they love, but we?re just not there yet. Right now, they are little?I don?t quite want to share my time with a thousand intrusions just yet. Let?s just stay home, ladies. With the dog and the open kitchen and the pool and the colouring books strewn across the table. Let?s eat chicken nuggets sometimes in the basement and then I?ll let you run screaming around the staircase while I ignore the pile of mail on the counter again. How about you let me relax for a few minutes after work and I?ll let you play on my phone. You pick the books, I pick the chair.
There?s plenty of too-soon time for those ladies to grow right up and think I?m lame to be around. While I?ve still got some status to hold on to, we?re going to slowly parent them with just the right amount of resistance and sway. Let them turn into who they?re really going to be. Let them change their minds a thousand times about just who that is. Let them hear me in their heads saying: easy now, slow down?you?re doing great, now circle back and check yourself.?
?
(?before you wreck yourself. Come on. I can?t be the only one who was thinking that?!)
If you like it, maybe they would too?
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