It is officially summer. That means my ex and I, like many other divorced couples, have a different parenting schedule. During the summer we?re supposed to alternate weeks. I say supposed to because we aren?t. We don?t even have a schedule worked out. Part of that is because my son has been away for two separate weeks already and in just over two weeks, the kids and I are leaving for our trip. For the most part, the kids are at my house but on any given evening, one or both of them might announce they?re going to dad?s. And that?s OK with me.
I think this is a sign of how far we?ve come in our post-divorce relationship that we can be flexible over our parenting schedule. We know neither one of us is going to try to monopolize the kids, or try to influence the kids against spending time with the other parent. I think we trust each other and that?s feels good.
My ex is a teacher and since our schools are not on a year-round schedule, it means he has more free time than I do now. So I?ve been looking for ways he can help out more. For example, my son is learning to drive and he really needs to be out driving every day, just getting the practice. Getting my ex to take him out is a win-win-win ? my ex is happy to take my son driving, my son wants to drive and I don?t have the time to take my son driving as much as I think he needs.
My ex is also a shopper. I am not. Since our divorce, I am a much more intentional shopper but I don?t have anywhere near the patience or stamina for shopping that he has. So this week, when my computer techie* delivered the news that my son?s four-year-old laptop wasn?t worth working on and should be retired, I enlisted my ex?s help,
Do you have time and would you like to go buy a new laptop?
Sure! I was ninety-nine percent certain he wouldn?t say no, given that he is a technology education teacher and loves to shop. Did I say that already?
My computer techie suggested the specs for a new machine and off my ex and son went. First stop, Staples where the saleslady tried to tell him the machine he was going to buy had a bad rap and that he should buy a service agreement that cost more than the machine. That didn?t make much sense.
Next stop, Office Depot where this particular machine was more expensive than the Staples price so they agreed to match the price and then there was a $50 mail-in rebate, in addition. Score one laptop for $300 and another win-win-win!
It?s been over four and a half years since we separated ? I don?t think I was so willing to enlist his help back then. I think I was intent on proving that I was capable of doing it all.? It feels good to know now I don?t have to do it all.
*I learned very early on that every single-woman needs a good handyman. I also think your support network needs to include a good computer guru ? I?m happy to ask my ex for help with the kids machines but I need someone else to work on my machine.
From around the web
From April at All About Balance ? I loved this post about Zillow?s best places in America for single moms ? I?m with April ? the best place is where you feel you can thrive. In some respects, April is fortunate: she has full legal custody of her children and her ex is essentially uninvolved. That means she was free to move cross-country to L.A. where she has the support of her family. Not everyone has the freedom to move like that and that means doing your best to thrive where you are.
From Laura Campbell at the Huffington Post ? How Could I Do That? And Other Ways we are our Own Worst Enemy -? on how divorce opened her eyes to herself and started her education in life.
From Deborah Moskovitch at the Huffington Post ? How You Can Forgive Your Ex-Spouse ? on why it?s important for your own health to forgive.
A Reader Request
Do any of you know of a wall calendar for children aged nine and twelve, that could be used to show their parenting schedule? What are you using?
My kids were older when we separated ? eleven and fourteen and since we were on an every other weekend schedule, I think it was pretty straight forward for them but I can definitely see where something bright and colorful could help younger children settle into a new routine.
This weekend, my daughter and I are shopping for college dorm needs. I?m feeling very conflicted about this ? I?m happy she wants me to come with her but I dread the thought of getting dragged round store after store after store; my ex would probably like to do this but the combination of my daughter, my ex and this shopping just spells disaster. However, with temperatures forecasted for the low nineties, at least if I?m shopping I?ll be in air-conditioning. I guess I can be thankful for that.
Wish me luck!
Mandy
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